


Hop in the bag there's no time to explain

by Valpal0720



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Basically this is a feastuck au too?, F/F, Gen, M/M, Middle Ages, More character will be added as the story progresses, Pirate AU, Piratestuck, Relationships will also be updated as the story progresses, The strilondes are half something that should be extinct but isn't oops, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:55:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6681037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valpal0720/pseuds/Valpal0720
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dave is a humble peasant who gets kidnapped by a pirate gang, the Mutant Mauraders, and fights along side them to take back Skaia from foreign invaders, protect his brother, and save what's left of the royal family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dave hates everything (well, almost everything)

**Author's Note:**

> This is still in draft phase but I needed to post it so that I didn't lose it. Thank you to cerulean-swill.tumblr.com for helping me edit this!!

Your name is Dave.

Your name is Dave and you hate waking up at the crack of dawn, on the cold floor of the servant’s quarters.

Your name is Dave and you hate the way that you have to sleep with the horses and other “indentured servants” (cough cough slaves) in a stable on top of whatever hay is leftover from the horses’ feeding time.

Your name is Dave and you hate how your brother shivers next to you at night, because there are never enough blankets to go around.

Your name is Dave and you hate the way rich folks who’ve never worked a day in their lives lie in the lap of luxury while you and your brother have to starve.

Your name is Dave. You love the dusty smell the rain leaves behind, and running barefoot in the grass where the horses graze. You love seeing your brother smile, and teaching the young prince how to ride a stallion because it trusts you. You love the sea and the feel of ocean spray on your face, even though it’s been long since you’ve seen the waves.

…..

You roll over on the hard wood of the stable floor and brush some hay out of your hair. Without looking you nudge Dirk awake.

“Noooooooo Dave I don’t wanna work todaaaaaaaaay.” Dirk whines.

“Alright then!” You say sarcastically, rolling your eyes.” Let’s just not work and eat cake as we skip into the sunset, hand in hand, laughing at how silly we were to have worked our entire lives! Yup sure sounds splendid! In fact,” You continue, “I could use a good old caning about now! Wouldn’t you love to get caned? No? What a pity! I was really looking forward to getting the shit kicked out of me.” you retort, standing up to brush off your shirt and trousers.

“Jesus fuck Dave I’m up, I’m up.” Dirk replys, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Good, now help me get some water for Godhead. He’s been really cranky lately,” you say, patting the red-brown horse that you take care of. “and maybe some oats, Trickster has been pretty jumpy since ‘Prince’ John’s been away.” You say, sneering a bit on the word prince.

The royal horses of Skaia are some of the best around, kept with care and discipline, they are ideal warhorses. You pride yourself on keeping them healthy. These horses probably eat more in a day than you do in a week. Lucky bastards.

“Hey Dirk! How’s getting that water going?” You call to your brother from where you’re filling one of Trickster’s troughs with oats.

“Good!” Dirk shouts back from well. “Do you know when the Princess is coming by to pick up Trickster and Squiddle?”

“Shouldn’t be too long,” you say as you jog over to help him carry the pails of water. “Apparently she’s going to go pick up John from the University.”

“Dave, you really shouldn’t call him by his first name.” Dirk scolds you as he hands you two pails. “If any of the higher ups hear you you’ll get in trouble.”

“Like you're  _not_ on a first name basis with the prince’s cousin?” You tease him. “Don’t think I don’t see you guys talk while you tack up his horse.” You add, laughing.

“Why you little piece of-” Dirk begins, trailing off when he sees Princess Jade walking over. “Quick. Go pour your water into the troughs and get out Trickster’s saddle. I’ll do the same for Squiddle.” He instructs you.

“Yupp.” You reply hastily, already beginning to pour water for the Prince’s horse and the others in your care. You’re just about finished getting Trickster ready to go when Jade arrives at the stable.

“Hey boys!!!” Jade shouts when she walks in. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you two! I haven’t even been to the stables since Jeff stopped caring for Squids. I think that new guy really freaks her out.” She rambles, picking up her riding gear.

“That’s a shame Princess.” You respond, helping her hoist herself onto her horse.

“Oh knock it off Dave, you know that you can can call me and John by our names! Stop being so silly and help me hook Trickster to the back of my saddle!” She scolds you. “I’m glad it’s just you and Dirk today though, I was afraid I’d get stuck with Squid’s handler. Man is that guy creepy!”

“Tell me about it,” you agree. “he’s always carrying that bread knife around. I thought he was going to stab me or something…” You elaborate, as you hook Trickster’s lead to Squiddle.

“He carries a knife? Since when?” She asks curiously, whipping around in the saddle.

“I dunno, he must’ve picked it up in the kitchen after he started here.” You reply, not really wanting to get into this topic right now.

“Alright, tell me if he does anything while I’m away.” She instructs you sharply. “I do NOT want to deal with some crazed servants stabbing fit when I get back.” She sighs, slouching a bit.

“Don’t worry about it Princess, I’ll handle it.” You reassure her, handing her a bag of oats for her trip.

“I know you will,” she says, smiling. “and take care of yourself too! Don’t for a second think I’ve forgotten our promise.” She reminds you cheerily, straightening up.

“Ah yes,” you wince, remembering why you got stuck here in the first place. “How could I forget. As soon as I’ve finished my time repaying the king for letting me live, you, me, and Dirk are headed as far away as we can get.”

“That's right! So don’t you even think about leaving without me!” She says, smiling down at you from atop her palfrey.

“Yeah yeah, off you go Princess! There’s a reason you got up so early you know.” You tease her.

“Oh snap! Bye Dave, bye Dirk! See you in a week!” She calls as she starts away from the castle stables.

“Bye Jade.” You sigh, as she rides away.

“Dork.” Dirk says as he hands you a broom.


	2. Karkat also happens to hate a lot of things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain Callie is the best captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey come check out my blog for this fic,  
> www.hopinthebagtheresnotimetoexplain.tumblr.com
> 
> Also remember that this is a work in progress so I might post chapters prior to their completion so that i can transfer them to my other devices. (I type most of my work on an iPod4 at 11:00pm)

Your name is KarKat.

  
Your name is Karkat and you hate waking up at the crack of dawn, on a frayed cot in the crew’s quarters.

  
Your name is Karkat and you hate the way that you have to sleep with the rats in a stolen ship with 8 too many canon blasts in it’s hull to be afloat.

  
Your name is Karkat and you hate how your nightmares shake you from your sleep when there’s no one there to hold onto.

  
Your name is Karkat and you hate the way high bloods, who’ve never went hungry a fucking day in their lives lie in the lap of luxury while you and your mates have to starve.

  
Your name is Karkat. You love the oaky smell of your ship’s hull, and standing barefoot in the sand when you make port. You love seeing your friends smile, and teaching the crew how to catch crabs because only you know how to find them. You love the sea spray on your face and the rich blues of the ocean, even after all the time you’ve spent traveling over them.

  
…..

  
You shake your head to clear it after yet another bloody dream that makes you want to vomit. Looking around, you see that the only other crew awake are Vriska and Terezi. You might as well go join them. Not like you’ve got anything better to do.

  
“Hey guys, how’re we holding up?” you inquire loudly, wondering if you were anywhere fucking NEAR to your destination.

  
“Well enough, with me in charge that is!” Vriska answers snidely.

  
“heh.” Terezi turns in your direction and whispers to you. “She likes to think that shes the captain, when we ALL know that I’M the one in command!”

  
“Do you both have cotton for brains? Obviously I’M the fucking leader of this floating nightmare!” you shout sarcastically, almost laughing towards the end.

  
“Shhhhhhhh both of you, other people are sleeping!” Vriska chides. “Actually, we should be getting close soon.” she corrects herself, “Hey babe, mind waking everyone up?”

  
“I’m on it!” Terezi replies. “OH MY GOD THERE’S A SUPER HOT TROLL OVER ON THOSE ROCKS!!! I THINK HE’S ABOUT TO TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT!!!”

  
“Holy thit where!” Sollux shouts, falling out of his cot. The rest of the crew members begin to sit up one by one and stare at him. You laugh when you remember that he hasn’t been woken up by Terezi before and actually thought that the blind girl had spotted a hot stripper in the middle of the ocean.

  
“Sollux pick your soggy ass up off the floor we’ve got work to do,” you scold him, turning to the crew you add, “and everyone else, let’s get ready to set anchor in about two or three hours. Skaia isn’t going to plunder itself!”

  
“You heard the man!” Calliope, your captain shouts as she passes by the doorway to the bunks. Popping her head back into the room she adds, “When your done with ‘Captain’ Karkat’s orders, meet me on me on the main deck. We’ve got to go over the Raid Rules.”

  
A series of “yes ma'am"s and “yes Captain"s soon follow. You’ve gotta hand it to the woman, she’s phenomenal at earning the respect of others. You could probably beat her in a fight, but the thing is, who amongst you could even bring themselves to fight her?


	3. First encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave just wants to take a break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this took so long! Writers block strikes yet again. Toadays reminders:  
> 1\. This chapter isn't edited yet but will be soon  
> 2\. Check out my blog for this story, hopinthebagtheresnotimetoexplain.tumblr.com  
> 3\. I love you guys so much thanks for sticking with me!!

"Just another day in paradise," you groan as you heave yet another sack of oats onto your back. "fucking splendid." 

"Stop being such a baby." Dirk scolds you as he reaches down to lift the other sack. 

"Whatever Dirk, it's not like we're in a rush to get done," you remark. "oh wait, we are! we've only got most of the morning to deliver these and I'm not all that excited to run across town with three oatbags on my back."

"Well if it makes you fell better I'm carrying four." Dirk says sarcastically.

"Oh bite me" you laugh as Dirk sticks his toung out at you. You're both about to start across town when you hear someone shout from the stabels.

"Sounds like trouble," Dirk remarks

"Well what are we waiting for?" you ask, already turning back to te stables. "Let's go see what happened!" 

"Sometimes I wonder just how hard you were dropped on your head as an infant." Dirk sighs as he follows you.

"Dirk! Dave! Something bad is happening at the front gate!" Casey, another servant, informs you.   
   
"Care to elaborate?" Dirk asks

"There's problems!" she shouts looking frazzled

"Then let's bounce." you say dropping your oats near the stable and jogging over to the commotion. When you finally arive, Dirk is the fist to speak.

"Hey Nak what's happening!" he shouts to one of the sentenials.

"Pirates. They are invading! There are a lot. Go get some horses!" he responds with haste. You nod to Dirk and you both race to the horses, trying to alert all the staff of the impending attack. By the time you've reached the horses it's too late; the rag-tag gang of pirates has just barged through the last of your defenses. 

"Dirk we have to do something!" you shout to your brother, "There are hardly enough horses to even consider a counter attack!"

"Oh fine!" He shouts back, tossing you someones discarded sword, while also attaining one for himself. "Just make sure to be careful!" 

"Careful's my middle name!"  you reply with a small smile before you both turn to fend off the reckless thieves, who would otherwise try to nab your prized war horses.

"Stand aside kids." a voice booms from your left, the owner a short troll with an oversized cutlass. "I don't want to fight you."

"Afraid you'll lose?" You ask venomously.

"No, I just make it a priority not to kill people who are fighting someone else's battle." He says, smirking. He then turns his head to a taller cerulean-blood and shouts, "Vriska, some assistance?" 

"Ugh, are you ever going to stop trying to recruit every sucker who can hold a sword? This is getting ridiculous Krakat." she responds as she lifts a hand to her temple. Her eyes lock onto you with an icy glare. The last thing you hear is Dirk shouting your name. And then everything is darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect more!!


	4. :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long to write and longer to edit, hopefully I'll stick to my plot plan lmao

"Listen up kids, because I am Not going to repeat myself," You say. You wave you sword around like a baton as you continue. "The first thing I'm teaching you is horseback riding-"

"We already know that." Dave interrupts. What kind of name even is Dave? A dumb name that's what. The kid it's attached to is kinda cute though... Bluhhh you can't believe you're even pondering this. Screw him anyway, not like you care if he can ride well.

"As I was saying-" you continue, but somehow you are interrupted yet again. What a mystery.

"We can also fight very well, we  learned as part of our castle train-" Dirk chimes in. You interrupt him because HEY it's your turn to talk!

"Okay fine. So your training will have multiple stages, first will have to be Manning parts of the ship since you can already ride." you explain. "Second, you will continue to train with swords and then with another weapon of your choice."

"What like with a bow or something?" Dave asks.

"Better." you say smiling 

...............

"You've gotta be shitting me." Dave says staring at the pair of sickles you're holding. "How the hell do you even use those?" He inquires. You pull them away when he tries to take them.

"Hey! These are great!" you snap. "I'll have you know that where I'm from they're highly respected weapons!" you shout as you place  them back in your pack.

"Oh yeah! most of you guys are from Alternia right?" Dirk comments. "You dudes have got tons of different ethnic groups all living under the same ruler; It's no wonder you have hella different weapons." He continues. Why does he talk like he's been there? These guys are just servants at the royal family's summer home, albeit capable ones. Aren't they?

"Oh! I almost forgot!" you exclaim. You slap your hand to your forehead. "You guys are some kind of mutants right? Humans don't usually have those eyes." You elaborate. "Or those teeth?  I don't know I never really studied humans too closely."

"Is- Is that why you took us?" Dave asks as he seems to recoil from you. "Because we- Because of this shit?" he gestures to his face.

"It's what we DO." you snap. "I just wanted- I wanted to help you." 

"Oh Yea?! Well we didn't ask fir your help!!" 

"THEN WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE!"

"STOP IT!!" Dirk shouts. "NOBODY IS HAPPY ABOUT THIS BUT LIKE IT OR NOT HERE WE ARE." Dave crosses his arms and looks away from you. You have no  clue why the fuck you thought this would be a good idea. Dirk takes a breath and continues. "Dave and I were in fact in some very tight shit back there, but our friend was too. She's- we just really need to go the fuck after her." when he looks back to your direction, you huff and shake your head.

"Our next stop is on the other side of your kingdom, and we can't risk going back to Skaia." As much as you need more crew members, going back to a place you just robbed is inadvisable. 

"Where." Dave says looking at you

"What?" you ask

"Where. Are. We. Stopping?" He says painfully slow. You've just now decided that Dave is actually the most irritating person you know.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, not like your friend would be close." You snap at him. When you see how upset he looks you mentally kick yourself. Fuck. You quiqkly try and correct yourself, "So it wouldn't hurt to look her up when we stop! You- we could see if anyone knows where she is?" Dave's eyes meet yours and the sadness in them makes your heart ache. You know too well what it's like losing someone you love.

"Thank you." he says simply, turning away as he stands. You pretend not to notice him drying his eyes. "So when do I get to use your curvy swords?" he laughs in spite of himself as you groan. You're glad though, glad that they stayed. Although there would have been hell to pay for all three of you otherwise.

...................

"Dirk we can't just leave." you object. You know you promised to take Jade with you, but you can't just leave the crew without a word. You can't just leave him behind. 

"We gave her our word; She has nowhere to go back to now that HIC has taken the king's main castle. She's only got John with her now. She Needs Us." Dirk snaps at you. During your recent recon mission you discovered that Jade had made it to John before Her Imperious Condescension did, the two of them now in hiding.  "The three of us could never have survived without each other, you think her mom would have stopped people from killing her? You think anyone would have stopped the king from letting us die?  You think Bro would have been sad to see us dead!?" Dirk's voice is shaking with emotion. He whispers,  "Us weirdos have got to stick together, we're the only family we've got left." 

"But Karkat, the crew-" you say, you don't want to betray them. Deserting them now that they need you is something you hadn't even considered. But Jade, John, Jake and Jane? they're the only people that were kind to you, the only ones who protected you.

"Do you think Jake and Jane made it out?" you ask quietly.

"I don't know, maybe Jade will have some answers." 

"maybe"

"This is our chance to find out, when we finally dock in Prospit it shouldn't be hard to find them."

"How do you know they're still near the meeting point? They could be miles away by now." 

"They have to be." 


End file.
